All Tour Stories

• Tour Date History
  Posted: October 12th, 2008 by Chris
• Christmas Tour - Europe 1996
  Posted: December 12th, 1996 by Hinge
• Summer Festivals - Europe 1996
  Posted: July 12, 1996 by Hinge
• "Five Guys" - Europe 1996
  Posted: May 7th, 1996 by Hinge
• "Five Guys" - U.S. Tour 1995
  Posted: November 15th, 1995 by Hinge
• "MTV's Real World" Sightings
  Posted: April 15th, 1995 by Hinge

"Five Guys" - Europe 1996

3/02 Splash Club - London
In a world.....with 14 men in a really tall, hot bus..... In England.
It's a bit hard to write any tour stories this early into the tour. It takes a few days for the fun to begin. But, for those of your who want to savor the exciting details of the touring world, I'll try. Kevin's trying to help. Food, bodily functions, boring details. Okay, now I'm ready. We did quite well. Better than expected. Nice turnout. How come everyone staying at the Columbia Hotel looks like a member of Oasis?

3/03 Bolwerk - Sneek, Holland
Classic Dutch club. Right next to a little canal with ducks, gooses, etc. The last time we played here someone hit Junior in the head with a beer bottle. No such luck this time. Nice to be back in Holland. Frites with Mayonaise. Great show, little rough around the edges, but all in all a good show. First show with both "The Penniless People of Bulgaria"(Finland), and "My Own Victim" (USA). 63 more days to go.

3/04 Nighttown - Rotterdam, Holland
Cool night all around. Live New Age Music in the big room, Live Jazz in the front room, Us in the basement. Chris only wore half of his Elvis Costume. The act is coming along nicely. Only forgot the words to one song tonite. Nowhere to change. Once again got to see our good friends from "Just Another Band". Bought "Pulp Fiction". (We had to put tape over the subtitles on the bottom of the TV screen though cuz it was too distracting).

3/06 Doornroosje - Nijmegen, Holland
You know the nights going to be special when there's a coffee shop in the lobby of the club. If you've ever been to Holland, you know that Coffee shops aren't known for coffee here. Thinking back, the best part of the day is kind of an inside band joke that I played on Hugh, our trusty road manager. Hugh has a computer with a virus. The virus is spreading. Today the virus started communicating with Hugh. Saying that it has contracted a virus, and will self-destruct on April 1st. (the whole "virus thing" is a practical joke perpetrated on Hugh by Hinge)

3/07 Melkweg - Amsterdamski, Holland
Amsterdam is fun. You can have almost any kind of fun known to man (and women) here. We played at the sparkling new Melkweg Max tonight. Amazing sound. Well played show. Cheese and butter are rapidly clogging my system. The tallest man in Holland came to the show. I love that guy. After the show, we went on a walk with 4 lovely dutch girls who swore they knew the way to the Red light district. So we started walking. And walking. Warm, inviting taxi's flew by, beckoning. Our Sonic-looking girl/friend urged us on. She said "It's just a little further". I said, "Fuck this, we're taking a taxi". Get to the Red Light. It sucked. Went to New York Pizza instead. Went to bunk at 5 a.m.. End of story. Thanks girls. Here's a shout out to our Dutch Friends J.A.B. and their girl buddies Lisa and Armchair.

3/08 Effenaar - Eindhoven, Holland
F'N'R. Fn' R'. Maybe it means Fuckin aaR. After dinner, Kevin took us to the Jack Shack. Things were fine until I selected channel 9. Oh. Oh. No please, make it stop. Played a fun gig. Many people. Some even passed out in our honor. Thanks. Can't wait for tomorrow's town. Heard they have a bowling alley there.

3/09 Struik - Heino, Holland
Nothing happened yet. If your reading this, and you're from Heino, tell the girl in the bakery that Kevin Loves Her. If she digs him, he'll stay forever. Really. What's up with the bowling alley. Went in there today and they looked at me like I'm crazy. Sort of like one of those moments in a western movie when you walk into the bar, everything stops and all the people look at you with that "What the Fuck" look. Sorry.
*Post Show Notes: Pretty insane show, 650 drunken, stagediving maniacs. Chris has the flu. Hinge is drunk. Booge is hungry. Kevin's in love. and Bill's still optimistic.

3/10 Biebob - Vosselaar, Belgium
Hey, ever play at Biebob? It's cool. Very friendly audience. I (hinge) heard that I'm very funny when drunk.

3/11 OFF

3/12 Aeronef - Lille, France
First show in France. Viva Le France. Played in a combination shopping mall/big-ass venue. Cool. Or so one should think. I would personally like to thank the 100 or so people that came out to support us. Thanks. Hey Hunter, If your reading this, I'm in Paris, having a wonderful time. And you're still some dick in New Mexico. Blow me.

3/13 Club Dunois - Paris, France
Ah, Paris. City of Lights and Crepes. A place for romance. Oh yeah, played a gig here. Not many people showed up. I wonder why? Those who did were treated to a spectacular evening of powerful music and my newly red-dyed hair. Our trailer was attacked by graffiti artists who painted evil messages.

3/14 OFF
A day off in Paris. A lot happened. Too much to mention here.

3/15 Salle John Lennon - Limoge, France
I love this place. Nice big venue. Very receptive audience. I'm not sure how many. Maybe 500. Nice lighting tonight. The Penniless People were exceptional, as were My Own Victim. The OddMongers...............? Shhhhhhhhh.

3/16 En Canal - Bilbao, Spain
14 Guys in a really cold garage. A stage supported by oil cans. A few hundred Basque folk rockin out. Paul, our trusty soundman helped us rise to the occasion. He was proud of us, as we were of him. Oh yeah, dinner was in a very old, home style restaraunt. Nice beef for the carnivores. Tortilla fo me, the lone vegetarian. Big ass beers.

3/17 Day Off
A day off in Bordeaux. Cool. Today they're having a festival here. Kind of like Carnival. So off we go, in search of fun. We wander onto a Parade. Very surreal experience. An old lady attacks me with confetti and silly string. Again and again. You should have seen the look in her eyes. Madness. Next, I find myself dancing in the streets with a group of afro-carribean drummmers and dancers. We are one. Yessssss. Later that night we went to "The Blarney Stone", perhaps the only Irish pub in Bordeaux. It's St. Patricks Day!!! Kevin, Bill, and myself decide to go celebrate, as 2/3 of the group are of Irish descent. As is the Mucky tradition, we get slightly lost first. We meet a bunch of Brits and find the way. The bar is filled to 3 times the usual capacity. Where to stand? On tables of course. I fucked up at this point, as I spent all my money on Guinness. Drunk. A lot.

3/18 La Luna Dans Le Caniveau - Bordeaux, France
The name of this venue means "The Moon is in The Gutter". Perhaps a better name might be "The Club is Next to a Whorehouse". Anyhow, had an excellent time playing this evening. Throughout the show, some guy in the front row kept tring to communicate with us in his native language. He tries a bit of non-verbal communications by gesturing to my legs (they're quite muscular due to bicycling) and then reaching out to touch them. What could this mean? End of entry.

3/19 Le Bikini - Toulouse, France
I love Le Bikini. Excellent venue. exceptional food. Pro staff. Forehead wrecking dressing room. The room has spaceship-like motif. Too bad there were so few people on board at launch time. Those who were there were treated to a fun (as usual) show. Special thanks to Herve for making our time here so nice.

3/20 Entre-Pot - Grenoble, France
We were joined onstage by a few choice members of the audience, such as The Amazing Crosseyed Man and The Cutest couple in Grenoble. Special thanks to "The Addmongers" for their support in their beautiful home own.

3/21 Laiterie - Strasbourg, France
"Scream for me Strasbourg.......!!!"

3/22 L'Abordage - Evereux, France
I broke Brian's camera (while stagediving). Fuck. I'll spend tomorrow shopping to replace that camera. Let this be a lesson to all you would be stagedivers. STAGEDIVING AIN'T ALL GLAMOUR AND GLITZ.

3/23 Noumatrouff - Mulouse, France
Last show with french support band "the ADDMOMBERS". Hinge is off in a world of his own today. Have you seen him? Much basketball was played. We got our collective asses kicked by small french children. Today is our last show in France! See ya.

3/24 Il Cove - Bologna, Italy
Happy Birthday Kimmo you bastard!!!!! Played our first show ever in Italy today. Very interesting venue. The lower level has an old Italian guys social club which we were forbidden to enter. I did anyhow. Ooops.

3/25 Off
A day off in Milan Italy. Much walking and eating occurred. Bought a camera for Brian. I'm one poor mutha-fucker now. There is a magnificent cathedral here. Chris, Billy and myself went for a visit. Billy had a bit of trouble. Seems that you can't wear shorts in the cathedral. Billy the Blasphemer is clad in shorts. The guard felt that Billy's soul was worthy of redemption and suggested that he pull his shorts down below his knees. He did. Praise the lord

3/26 Bad Bonn - Dudigen, Switzerland
Hey, ever play in the middle of a field? We did. Twice. Could this be the smallest stage ever? Very polite audience. Quiet as a mouse. Do they like us? We played a great show despite their silence. The highlight was the free form jazz excursion during "U Stink". I mean, this was no goof, we surprised ourselves with the quality and soul of our collective improvisation. We rule. End of story, you had to be there.

3/27 ISC - Bern, Switzerland

3/28 Amalgam - Yverdon, Switzerland
Pronounced "Eve Arden". I understand there's a shrine to this once well known U.S. TV star here. Does any one know the name of the show she starred in? Anyhow, the venue featured an all Peavey PA system. Good thing our soundman Paul knows how to kick a Peavey PA's ass. Good job buddy! Oh yeah, the backstage puppet show was nice also. So, later that evening during our show, our good friends "My Own Victim" decided to shower us with offerings of food during the show. Ever play a guitar with a tomato under your pick hand? Very messy. How about a little salami with that riff. Get the picture.

3/29 Grebenhalle - St. Gallen, Switzerland

3/30 Dynamo - Zurich, Switzerland
Made myself bleed today. Just another head wound. And thats just the begining of a special evening of hot action. This venue had it all, from metalworking to afro-carribean dancing. They also have one of the coolest and most understanding promoters anywhere, Simone. Well, tonight, being our last show with "My Own Victim", was a good night for revenge. Since we're a bit more sophisticated then "My Own Victim" (they're from Kentucky), we made our attack a bit less messy. In fact, you could clean up many a mess with our mess. Our weapon of choice was toilet paper. 112 rolls to be exact. Our joyous outburst of fun continued for hours after the show. If you think that sounds like fun, you should have seen the drunkin mess that "The Penniless People of Bulgaria" became later that night. Pekka, lead singer, transformed into a snake and decided to crawl belly first down the bus stairs. Lasse needed to be carried to bed.

3/31 Conrad Sohm - Dornbirn, Austria
Had a blast here. The venue was on the side of a mountain, next to a stream with no civilization in sight. Birds were singing. Rocks were gathered. Dogs were petted. Nothing was broken. No blood was spilled. Played a muther-fucker of a gig too. What more can I say.

4/01 OFF - Went skiing in Bodele (see photo), high above Dornbirn. Five guys on a really steep mountain. So, here we are on the mountain, outfitted with our high-tech ski gear. Kevin "Stunt Boy" Powers put on a skilled display of controlled falling. He falls better (and funnier) then anyone I know. He taught us the fine art of backwards skiing. Then we have Billy "Crazy Legs" Bergmann. He mastered the fine art of snow-plowwing today. The slopes are cleaner thanks to him. He only cracked on the lift to the top of the Matterhorn or whatever the fuck mountain we were on. And me, Hinge "Hotshot" Thunder. I kick ass. What do you expect. I'm spry. Later that evening, Me and the "Penniless People" celebrate with 14 bottles of mostly choice French wine, with the occasional foray into some shit Italian wine. This is da good life!

4/02 Kick - Hereford, Germany

4/03 FBZ - Braunschweig, Germany
Ever see the movie "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind". If you were at the show last night, you could've seen the live version, cause we had one hell of a light show. Unbelievable! Nice crowd too. We even kicked some "arse". Nice backstage party with our buddies from SPV and our friends "Such a Surge". Enough said.

4/04 Zeche Carl - Essen, Germany
What a special evening of fun. I officially became the 5th Penniless Person. Yeah!!

4/05 Marquee - Berlin, Germany
This gig was of my favorite variety. Small club where the audience is right in front of your face. So close that you can smell their bad Euro-breath (just kidding, I was smelling the reflection of my bad Ameri-breath). Did my laundry today. Thank god. Sock level was getting critical. Billy had a nightmare of a show, as his bass strap kept falling off. Ha Ha Ha. Chicks really dig us here. I like that. Warms the heart.

4/06 Gladhouse - Cottbus, Germany
East Germany. Cool. Spent a bit of time walking around town. It looks like a movie set from a black and white World War 2 movie. Cobblestone streets. Dark, mysterious alleys. Destroyed buildings with rusty metal shutters. I like it. Hey, tonights our last night with Richie, our drunk tech. Fuck. He's probably home Jacking his Pole right now.

4/07 Batchkapp - Frankfurt, Germany
Hey, be quiet, we're trying to have a show here. Excuse me. Excuse me!. Is this thing on. You in the back....Shut the fuck up. That's better. Okay, I'd like to dedicate this tour story to my friend Pekka. It's his birthday today. He's 17 years old.

4/08 Subway - Karlsrhue, Germany
All Aboard!!! Yeah, I love this place. How often in your life do you get to play in a subway station without being harrassed. We even get payed. Without begging. So, anyhow, one of our favorite MP fans was in attendence this evening. He wears a red jumpsuit. He has a beard. We affectionaly call him "Manson". He has a unique vocal bird-call like thing that he's famous for doing. And boy can he spin. I hear that JC Penny will be marketing the "Manson" collection of gig wear later this year. Yeah. Love those jumpsuits.

4/09 Live Music Hall - Koln, Germany
Okay. We tried to do a show, but some girl wouldn't shut the fuck up. End.

4/10 Markthalle - Hamburg, Germany
Well, let's see, The Markethalle. Love it. Hamburg. American stagehand, cool sound, bigass lighting. Winnie Wincent. Hey, he's here for the KISS convention. Kevin, better get his autograph. I hear they really go up in value. So, the day marches on................ We play.....................They like us, they really like us. This feels good. You know, after you've been on tour for say, 5 or 6 weeks, little tensions creep up and try to ruin the harmony that is our tour-bus family. Then you have a few questionable evenings of not so rewarding shows. At this point, hell usually breaks loose. Like a morning dump after a big night of Tequila drinking. Well, thats not to be allowed on this tour. No sir eee. A gig like tonights tends to lift the spirts. Mine for sure. So, to end my rambling, as spiritual leader, I decree an end to the middle of the tour blues. Done. Think I'll go Jack my pole to celebrate.

4/11 Easy Schorre - Halle, Germany
Stardate 110496. Trapped in a windowless void. We're in a spaceship in East Germany. Travelers. Chris T. Kirk, our Captain, discovers his genius. Yeah. Later that stardate, we transport to the lido-deck bar, to eat Italian Food, use phones, drink, be merry, and much much more. Ha.

4/12 AJZ - Chemnitz, Germany

4/13 Strom - Munich, Germany
You say Munich, I say Munchen, You say Quarter Pounder, I say Royal Mit Käse. Hey, you know, alot of things have different names here.

4/14 Schtzenhaus - Stuttgart, Germany
Hinge has a new haircut which is nice, honestly. Shows were great, even P.P.o.B. were liked. Later we pushed someones car. Get the fuck out of our way. This diary's straight from Kimmo.

4/15 Off
Hey....It's our day off. It's private. Sorry.

4/16 Arena - Vienna, Austria
Mozart, Schubert, Hayden, Mucky Pup. Must be sommething in the air. because I was inspired to kick arse. cool. Special thanks to the most superior crew at The Arena. At first glance, one would label this former slaughter houses as a "squat". I think it is, but who gives a shit, because this place has survived 20 years of music. Many nice dogs too. I like that.

4/17 Utopia - Innsbruck, Austria
There is a Bowling center (with electronic scoring) on the same street as the venue. The Penniless People are in "Penniless People HEAVEN" for this reason. I woke up, stumbled out of the bus and looked up to see the Olympic Ski Jump in front of me. It really looks more like an overgrown hot wheels track. I digress... Hard to tell the difference between Innsbruck and heaven. The city is like walking through a movie set and completly surrounded by snowy mountains, Oops, I mean Alp's. Probably, no, Positivly the most beautiful women I've ever seen are hiding here. We played a show here too. The audience was so reserved we thought they were hating us. Turns out they were just shy. They really came alive for the "money, money, money,..." song though. It's kind of sad that they waited till the last song of the set to loosen up. Band Update: Hinge is still the Spiritual Leader, and stronger than ever, Kevin is sick, (got a bad late-night wiener), Billy says there's 20 days and 13 hours till we're home, and Chris and John have both stopped using profanity in casual conversation. Guest diary by Chris.

4/18 Day Off
Small Austrian willage somewhere. At home we might call this place - BumFuck Austria. Found a Chinese food Pizzaria. Chris had the Lo Mein, Hinge had the thin crust. It makes no sense to me either.

4/19 Avalon - Allensteig, Austria

4/20 Bunkr Club - Prague, Czech. Rep.
Okay, I'm sitting here trying desperatly to come up with a way to describe Praha to the masses. Hmmm. Forget it. There's not enough space here. Praha is one of the truely great cities on our planet.There's so much to love about Prague....Ancient buildings, an amazing clock tower, The Charles Bridge, Kafka, K-Mart (just kidding, there is a Kmart here. Makes me sick). Oh yeah, and the Bunkr club. Love it. We feel very loved by all here. Truely one of the best gigs of the tour. After the show......drunk. Yeah!

4/21 Sumpfblume - Hameln, Germany
Last show in Germany. And that's all I got to say about that. Let's move onto the real action of this day. Okay, it's a bit embarrasing, but fuck it, it happened. I got caught Jacking my Pole in the bus by Kevin. I thought eveything was cool. I took precautions. But alas, it was a hot day, the roof vents were open, and wind blew through the bus like fake snow in a newly shaken Christmas globe. So, I awaken with a raging case of morning wood. I tried to think it away, but this mother-fucker wouldn't quit. If your a guy you know what I'm talking about. Worst part for me is that I like to sleep on my stomach. It's like the Princess and the Pea, gender twisted to the Prince and The Cucumber. So, here I lay, raging boner demanding action. It's 6 in the morning. Everyones sleeping. Or so I thought. I pull my curtain across my bunk, and tuck it under my blanket to stop it from blowing open. Everything seems cool. Before I go any further, just remember this, I just wanted to make it go away....I don't make a habit of jerking off in buses. So, I whip it out and begin to Jack My Pole. I'm not looking to savor the experience, so I crank up the frequency of Jacking and imagine some hot scenerio. BOOM!!! Sock, (also known as Jack Sack) fully loaded, my wood crumbles to a mere pud, and I go back to sleep. At the time, I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong, cause at the peek moment of Jacking, Kevin awoke from a dream and opened his sleep glazed eyes just as the wind blew the curtain open for a brief moment, revealing me in action, pole in hand. Fuck. Kevin, being our complete bastard kept the secret to himself all day. Then, later that night, he told all my best friends about my morning. Very embarrassing. For a few minutes at least. Being a self-actualized, shameless kind of guy, I decided to celebrate my primal urgings a nd share them with you. Hope I didn't offend anyone besides Kevin.

4/22 Rytmeposten - Odense, Denmark
You know the days gonna be special when your woken by the sound of a really shitty band rehersing at 9:30 in the morning. "Shut the Fuck Up!" you bastards. Then, when we're at the peek of hunger, we get taken to a mysterious Mexican restaurant with one pissed-off manageress.

4/23 Underground - Gothenburg, Sweden- I really love taking requests. It's especially nice when you get asked to play an Elvis song twice. Another nice thing is when Scandanavian girls dance with each other for us. The people are so friendly here. Special thanks to the lucky six winners of the "Be the Only Six People to see Mucky Pup Contest!" Cheers.

4/24 Off
Not much happened.

4/25 Off
A lot less happened.

4/26 RÅKKERN - Oslo, Norway
17 people were there, not including the dog, who was on the guest list. I get to do sound for The Penisless People of Bulgaria, and they promptly fired me right after the show.

4/27 Stengade 30- Copenhagen, Denmark
And I didn't hit my noggin (in Copenhaaagen)......All I want to say is Thank You to all the people who came to the show, even the beer spitting girl who annoyed me all night. Truely one of, if not the best, shows of the tour.

4/28 Huset - Arhus, Denmark
Our last show with "The Penniless People of Bulgaria". Kind of sad. I'll miss them. Hey, you Finnish guys...... Perkele. Special thanks to the staff of Huset. Very nice. Farewell Scandinavia.

4/30 VK - Brussels, Belgium
You know the day's gonna be special when you can't park the bus near the venue for safety reasons. They even had escorts to walk us to the bus. Yeah. Once inside, things went quite well. Big, happy audience. Multiple dressing rooms. Nerf ball. Farewell Belgium.

5/01 Travel
Not much happened, however, we were boarded by French customs twice this day. First time was especially fun for me, cause the really cute and smiley drug dog singled me out as guilty. Hairy bastard. So anyhow, he targeted my backpack as drug filled, and the customs guys preceeded to rip my shit apart, much to my companions combined shock and amusement. Fortunately, I wasn't packing. Ha Ha Ha. That's not where I keep my weeeeeed.

5/02 Day Off Madrid
Oh yeah, got to watch a bull fight on TV. Sparked a nice late night debate.

5/03 Festimad Festival - Madrid, Spain
Okay, I'll try to be brief, but I probably won't. Festivals are fun. Lot's of fun. Did I mention that we played on the same bill as Rage Against the Machine, Rancid, Cypress Hill and 47 other lucky bands. And about 20,000 people joined the fun. Cool. So anyhow, we did the usual festival backstage stuff, eating, drinking and merriment. Guitarist of R.A.T.M. came onstage to watch the spectacle. Then we get to check out the other bands. I'll discuss two of them for just a moment. First, we have Rancid. I don't like to sound negative, but, They suck. Kevin says so. Chris was overheard saying "I liked them better when they were called The Clash" a line he stole from The Dickies. The Punkiest one of them has an annoying habit of running around in circles. Very clown like. To bad it wasn't supposed to be funny. Chris' (Mucky Pup) Elvis impersonation is ten times more genuine then their bubble-gum impersonation of a punk band. Then we have Rage Against the Machine. They killed me. As a matter of fact, I almost got killed watching them from the pit area of the audience. I went surfing without a board or water. Billy, our bass player was completely Y.I.K.O.F.S. (Young - Inexperienced - Kid - Out - For - Self) He weaseled himself on stage during Rage's set, smokin' fat blunts with Cypress Hill and Rancid. All was cool til'... he told B-Real (Cypress Hill) "I'm actually with the D.E.A. - Your Under Arrest! , Just playin wit ya Esse, Don't you know I'm Loco?" Lucky bastard. And then, It was over, and off we drove into the moonlight.

5/04 Trebon, France. - The day started nicely. Wonderful hospitality from the venue's staff. Nice brunch in their backyard. Aloof dogs. The majestic Pyrenees mountains towering in the distance. Not a hint of what was to come. Night falls. An Evil red-haired girl makes me feel uncomfortable. Locals speed thru town without headlights, ignoring their cars need to shift out of first gear. A drunken guy break-dances, alone, unaware of his awkward appearence. Despite these warnings, all still seems moderately cool. The first two bands play without incident. Then the band before us, urged to hurry up, begins to play. Before they start, they shout some evil sounding French to the audience. They seem pissed. During what would become their final song, another song blasts thru the P.A., causing them to leave the stage in anger. Their bass player throws an empty bottle at Kevin, and yells "Fuck You". Uh oh. So, we mount the stage and begin to play. The on-stage monitors sound really strange. Our soundman, Paul , seems to be having trouble also. What the fucks going on? We complete our set and run to the dressing room for a short break, only to find a piss-puddle dripping from the door. Oh no! We play a brief encore. A drunken journalist comes for an interview, only to be interrupted by our soundman who comes to tell us that audience members were taunting him with a knives during the show. Guess what happens next. A fight breaks out. Chairs are thrown. Someone outside tells me this is a common scene in Trebon. The girls are especially fond of violence, and love to cut each other with razors. Time to go! Finally, I'd like to thank the staff and their friends and families for their gracious hospitality on this strange day, for if it wasn't for them, all would have sucked. Vive La France.

5/05 Travel

5/06 Day off in London
Spent a lot of money, had a lot of fun, ate a Trifle.

5/07 The Underground - Camden Lock, England
I could make some grandious overly dramatic end of tour, tour story. I won't. This was a kill show though, if the guy from KKKerrang! didn't like this show, he will never like us. This was a perfect show. A perfect ending to a perfect tour. It was for us anyway.

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